Last month, the NUT-T administration introduced the new OT rules (Online Test rules) to prevent and address malpractice in assessments. Prof. Kanakasabapathy, the then appointed Legitimacy And Malpractice Evaluation Officer (LAME-O), is still in talks regarding the students’ right to privacy. “All my actions are for the benefit of the students, really I care about them pa”, claims Prof. Kanakasabapathy, spotted nervously pacing the floor outside the admin block. Before further statements could be made, he was ushered into the NUT-T interrogation room by an official.
Prof. Kanakasabapathy has been the center of attention for his unique and ingenious DIY assessment pattern (which was definitely not lifted from a sister institute), wherein the students framed the questions and answered them as well. This was where the issue began. He had allowed his students to mail their answer scripts to his account- Our informants claim that he had received an email from a personal account, with an attached file that contained a lengthy illustration of the various failures of NUT-T and Prof. Kanakasabapathy in the past few months. For the reader’s entertainment, we have attached a few rumored answers:
Q1) Why is NUT-T the most student-friendly institution?
A: NUT-T is an amazingly student-friendly institution often students are offered mini-vacations on national holidays for “mental health” . The institute also employs stress-relieving methods like allowing submissions a day after the deadline. Clearly, NUT-T prioritizes their student’s health over anything else.
Q2) What did you learn from this course?
A: I learnt how to fraternize with female coworkers instead of doing my job.
Q3) What is your career plan? Any plans for your future?
A: My only goal in life is to become the LAME-O of NUT-T. Prof. Kanakasabapathy is my inspiration, my role model, because slacking off and having no work while earning a decent pay has been my dream since I was seven.
An enraged Prof. Kanakasabapathy, who was reportedly overenthusiastic about his new LAME-O post, decided that a sophisticated investigation was in order. However, being his first ever case, he did not have any idea as to how one must actually go about it. Just as he began wracking his brains for ideas to trace the culprit, he received a timely call from Jagdeesh, his student. Jagdeesh was the RG of his department, and wanted to have a few doubts cleared from the paper. We would like to thank Jagdeesh, for sharing with us the recording of his interaction with Prof. Kanakasabapathy. The following is a transcript of their interaction:
J: Sir, this is Jagdeesh. I just wanted to clarify my doubts regarding the assessment and make sure all my answers are correct..
K: Jagdeesh? I don’t know any Jagdeesh.
J: Sir it’s me, a student from your class. We talked yesterday regarding your project and I have collected some samples of household rubbish to test on our prototype.
K: What nonsense are you talking about?
J: Your ongoing research, sir.
K: Research? But the only research that I’m working on right now is with Prof. Thurman pa, what are you blabbering?
J: Yes sir I’m working as an intern under you for that project.
K: Ohh that is you? Fickle memory pa. Hello. Before the clarifications, I need some information from you. I will be sending a few images, this was the answer script of a student from your class. Can you think of anyone from your class who is brave enough to pull this act and defame me, the LAME-O? It is disturbing to digest the fact that NUTT, The Pride of Thuvakudi, produces such students.
J: That is indeed painful, sir. But I am glad that I might be able to help you. It might be Shiva, sir. I remember he had posted a suspicious message in our class group and deleted it immediately. He had sent a couple of pictures along with something like “This is sure to piss ‘em off?” To which someone else replied “Damn! That’s brave”
K: Mmm. How dare he do that! I want screenshots of those messages.
J: (scared) Screenshots? But-
K: Your name is Jagadeesh, yes? I think you don’t want to fail in my subject?
J: (gulps) I am sending them right away, sir. Can we get to my doubts, now?
K: Sorry pa, I have some urgent work now. We shall talk tomorrow.
Eager to get out of trouble, Jagdeesh revealed that he only did what was asked of him. Meanwhile, Prof. Kanakasabapathy seemed to have been excited that his first real job as the LAME-O of NUT-T was nearing fruition.
Apparently he intended to use the screenshots Jagdeesh sent him even though he wasn’t sure about the content of the message. As Jagdeesh had assured him that the messages were suspicious, he proceeded to confront this “Shiva” and gave him a call.
Jagdeesh revealed to us that Shiva ignored the four calls Prof. Kanakasabapathy gave him, and things went south. He was known for his hatred against students who lacked respect to their superiors. Enraged, he decided to show Stealth Shiva how intimidating he is and decided to severely punish him for his actions. Below is the text the Professor sent to Shiva at 7:40 PM, that Jagdeesh shared with us.
I have interrogated your classmates and obtained screenshots of the messages where you have criticized NUT-T in an exam. You will be given one hour to confess to your actions and take responsibility, or else you will be facing severe action.
In an effort to assert dominance, the professor had also sent the screenshots to Shiva as “proof.”
Later, an email was addressed to firstname.lastname@example.org, which also functions as an unofficial notice board, with the following contents:
You might want to consider shifting to webmail from any other social media, as apparently in NUT-T, it doesn’t make any difference. Our dear LAME-O Prof. Kanakasabapathy has his eyes everywhere, now it’s time for us to keep an eye on him.
And, as they say, the rest is history.
Sources indicate that this might have been an elaborate scheme by Stealth Shiva, for he has been displaying an interest in activism lately, frequently voicing out the issues and concerns of the student community. Students are encouraged to come forward with such problems so as to enable the reporters at Needs, the NUT-T magazine, to actually have content to report on. And to bring about justice, of course.
Disclaimer: Don’t believe fake news. If someone says fake news is fake, don’t believe them either.