The T-shirt Distribution Fiasco

Disclaimer: Don’t believe fake news. If someone says fake news is fake, don’t believe them either.

A month has passed since Fiasco, the largest annual cultural college festival of the country, announced that they would be organizing the world’s largest “t-shirt distribution drive”. The distribution kicked off energetically, garnering global appreciation. The college populace was overjoyed to hear that, despite their large population, they will be able to avail two variants of the t-shirts: one orange in colour and the other, saffron.

The fest’s social media handle published several articles proudly displaying their superior number of t-shirt registrations. They even claimed that the number was higher than that of their population, stating that even outsiders would receive their t-shirts due to the fest’s extreme generosity of heart.

However, when the D-Day (distribution day) arrived, all was not well. When the registered students went to collect their t-shirts, they were met with an acute shortage. Neither of the variants were available. Since the final years were scheduled to receive the t-shirts first, the freshers were faced with a prolonged delay in their slots and returned empty-handed.

Apart from t-shirts, the fest fell short of the goodies that were promised too. Their customary potato chips were available in very small quantities, leaving the campus residents fighting for bags of air.

A reporter for Needs, the college’s monthly that is published once a year, had reported on the fest’s lack of preparation to handle the distribution months ago. However, he has since gone missing and his article was never printed. In his article, he had reported that several international vendors were willing to supply t-shirts for the fest. However, Fiasco’s core had decided that they wouldn’t go to such lengths to get an ISO certification. They promptly refused these offers and stayed true to their motto of being the “Pride of India”.

Amidst the supply crunch, the price of the t-shirts was also a topic of debate. Students from the rival fests rationally demanded, “Why are we paying several hundred rupees more than it would actually cost? Shouldn’t this be covered in the fees that we pay? Ridiculous. Our fest would have handled it way better, but we aren’t in charge right now. So, we can’t show you how effective we could be!”

Though Fiasco’s marketing and publicity teams had done a phenomenal job in maintaining the brand of the fest, the residents felt increasingly let down by the organizers as they failed on key deliverables. However, thanks to the media relations and the content teams, the fest managed to salvage its reputation by controlling the mainstream media, and announced that the t-shirt distribution had been a grand success. The events team also pitched in to save face by soliciting celebrities to vouch for the authenticity of the fest (they called this part of their work, “CowDoom”).

When the head of social responsibility was asked why her team didn’t play a bigger role in the distribution process, she said, “Our ideas are generally stricken down as they are usually in direct opposition to the marketing interests of the fest. And obviously that matters more than social responsibility. So, for the greater good of the fest, our ideas are generally taken only when it interferes with no other team’s functioning.”

On a conclusive note, the (literal) deadline for registration has been extended yet again indefinitely. Hence, we, from Needs, request you to register for the t-shirts as soon as possible, in spite of how frustrating the whole process can be. The fest owes you a t-shirt. It is your right!

–Stealth Shiva