Fake News Case Files #2 -Plagued by Cattle

A new problem now plagues the NUT-T campus’ general bustling — cows have begun to act in a berserk manner (more so than the variety that accompanies a particularly loud trolley being dragged alongside) around other life forms. This peculiar behaviour of cows has been affecting the students in transit around the campus. Some cases of assaults have also been reported, and the victims have come forward with their statements:

Umpreeth, a second-year student, said, “I was cycling towards Ultramarine, and out of nowhere I heard a barrage of ‘MOOs’. When I peeked behind I was confronted with a herd of mad creatures raging towards me. I cycled as fast as I could and escaped by a hair’s breadth. I am afraid of the roads these days.”

“They were big, bulky and scary,” said Simon, a fresher, who has renounced eating beef post-accident. 

Investigation and relief team, called TURD-C (Taskforce Undertaking Retrieval of Destitute Cattle),  have been established by the administration for the observation and analysis of the cattle behaviour, as well as for providing support for traumatised students. The team has been reported to be extremely efficient in its work. It has already collected data from 2 cows that they managed to capture with a homing missile equipped with a powerful improvised tranquilizer.

“The cows showed highly peculiar behaviour in contrast to their extremely calm and composed self, they were highly aggressive and almost uncontrollable.  Other observed symptoms include their noses being dry,  scarlet-red eyes and terrible diarrhoea. This points to some kind of viral infection,” informed the investigative team’s representative. He also alluded to there being a perpetrator of sorts around this fiasco.

The team also suspects the disease to be highly contagious and have quarantined the cows. The data they’ve collected along with blood samples were sent to the CHEM69 lab headed by Dr Kanakasabapathy for further analysis. The team had predicted that this virus might affect the immunity of the cows and make them susceptible to TiTinitis (known for its potency and pain-inducing nature).

Dr Kanakasabapathy and his team have swiftly analyzed the sample and sent the results to MILPH (Ministry for International Liaisons of Pharmaceuticals and Healthcare) for verification. Insider sources claim a new strain of cattle virus termed ‘Cowrona’ has been discovered by the team. They have also mentioned that NUT-T would be the only organization with the power to prevent the mass outbreak of this horrid pathogen and stop a pandemic from occurring.  

Several organizations like Thuvakudi Times, The Sindu, and LGTV have attempted to enter the college campus in order to verify the cases of cows being violent; they have reported the opposite in lieu of being denied entry.

– Random Feeds Reporter

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The official media house of NIT Trichy.

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