7 tips to accomplish a successful Goa-esque trip

Now that I have your attention, I am now going to share with you, the important tips to be followed to manipulate your very own ‘kanni boys’ gang to embark on a scarring and potentially life-altering trip.

Note: These steps do not apply exclusively to Goa. If you are part of a very pathetic group of slugs, these steps can be used for a Tranquebar trip too.

1. Establishing dominance

While some studies have shown that dominance is not a major factor in specific evolution, it is a very essential factor while planning a trip. Make sure that you establish a monopoly in taking decisions. Setting your WhatsApp group to ‘only admins can send messages’ mode and threatening to leak potentially career-ending pictures of competitive alphas is encouraged.

2. Enforcing lockdown

A major cause of cancellation of plans, alongside laziness of participants, is known to be distractions from external sources. Manipulate your mates to let go of any assignments, projects and tests due on those dates and to accept their 7 point CGPA without any remorse.

3. Breaking up relationships

If you have peeps in your group who would rather spend their rare breaks with their partner, it is time for you to take a decision whether to give up on them or to play the role of ‘a typical senior friend’ and break them up and to cut off any last forms of contact between them. Tips regarding this can be obtained by approaching any 4th year student who has spent his whole life without any form of contact with the fairer sex.

4. Sticking to your choice

While it is advised to be friendly to your potential trip-mates, there comes a point in everyone’s travelling career when a friend requests a change of destination due to ‘personal reasons’, sometimes after you board the train to your original destination. The solution to this problem lies in a very peculiar method implemented by the British in India, the ‘Divide and Conquer’ method. DO NOT be afraid to turn into a snake and turn your friends against each other, while you play the role of the noble judge and ‘solve’ the conflict.

5. Kicking out the weed (Yes, I mean it)

There exists that one person in every group who no one actually likes, but accepts anyway due to various reasons like his financial inputs, passive aggressive blackmailing etc. However, the trip of a lifetime deserves to be accomplished only with your squad without the presence of any parasites. Consult with your tripmates before taking the decision. However, if you do not find anyone of this sort in your squad, you have my heartiest condolences and don’t forget to read our article on how to be a cool cucumber.

6. Financing the trip

Another major problem in accomplishing a trip lies in the lack of resources to carry on. Fear not, as I present to you the magical word to produce cash: clubs. If you are a 3rd/4th year in a respectable position in your club, fear not as the guide to extracting money out of juniors lies in four golden phrases, ‘unexpected expenses’, ‘ t-shirt money’, ‘farewell for seniors’ and ‘trip advance’. Since the flow of money is never monitored in any club, it presents a great opportunity for anyone to exploit it efficiently.

7. Getting to Day 0

Yet another reason for the failure of most planned trips is the lack of commitment by the participants. Remember to keep the WhatsApp group active by posting fake scenic pictures claiming that they belong to the destination in order to keep your friends’ hopes up. Ensure that you get to Day 0 without any slip-ups and you have a VERY HIGH positive chance of achieving the impossible.

Bravo! You have reached the end! Make sure to follow these steps and you are guaranteed to reach your destination in no time (*insert joke about how it’ll actually take some time*). Happy tripping!

P.S. The author has successfully coordinated 6 trips till date, including single handedly coordinating 2 of them, but he is a very simple person and has requested that this fact not be included in the article.

mm

AJ

If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and you, I would shoot myself twice.

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