NITT releases JEE 2

Disclaimer: Don’t believe fake news. If someone says fake news is fake, don’t believe them either.

Known for its giving nature, NITT has decided to give the incoming batch of millennials another thing to whine about. Drawing inspiration from medical colleges, the administration of NITT recently announced that students will have to take an exit exam to complete their degree. Joint Exit Exam, abbreviated as JEE-2, will aim at ensuring that the outgoing students are equipped with skills which they’ll probably never use.

Educational training giants FIITJEE and Akaash have swooped in on this new business opportunity and set up coaching centers in the locality. The first batch to enroll in their four-year-only classroom program will get a fee waiver of 50%, the final fee being on par with the college’s tuition fee (hike included). Additionally, Sri Naga Chaitanya institute has opened registrations for their integrated program. The program aims to replace the average student’s hostel hours of playing Counter Strike and watching Bigg Boss with midnight study sessions.

“I can’t believe we have to go through this all over again”, bemoaned Kumar, a third year student of Civil department. “I became an engineer because I was inspired by Dhanush Sir’s monologue in VIP. Engineering was nothing like what he promised it would be. Call centers don’t pay 50,000/- a month. I can’t even build the Clock Tower in LEGO, now I have to write an exam to prove I’m an engineer ah? Poda! This news is more disappointing than VIP 2”, he told Feeds in an interview.

The students entering final year too didn’t take the new idea very well. “I had so many plans for my final sem. I had already corrected a senior to mooch off his Netflix account. I scheduled my #OLT posts for Instagram and started giving pointless existential advice to my juniors. I’ve already booked our tickets for a Goa trip to be cancelled last minute to go to Tranquebar instead.  I’ve even decided which senior’s report to steal for my final year project. Now I have to actually study and be productive? For a degree that’s as pointless as rock mime in NITTFest? Unbelievable”, said Karthik, while hunting down unsuspecting juniors to sell his college books.

Maari, a powerful member of the DASA community, expressed the concern of his bellicose friends, “Well, firstly, the name of the exam is misleading. Joint Exit Exam! We were scared that the college was going to weed out our unconventional habits. Then, the real meaning dawned on us. And that scared us more. How do you expect us to take a JEE-2 when we didn’t take a JEE-1?! Do you also expect us to watch ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ before ‘Revenge of the  Sith’?! That’s crazy.”

With the decision taking effect immediately, few students have resorted to studying by incessantly bunking classes, despite the well thought out WiFi restrictions. Others, who have given up, have taken their submission in a positive stride by declaring themselves as “Engineers Forever”.

– Stealth Shiva