Excuse me?

College life can be really stressful. On one hand, you have to manage your academic goals, wading through the day’s packed schedule of classes and labs (insert token Meta joke), while maintaining a strong grip of your sanity.

On top of this, added responsibilities in clubs, teams, fests, societies and departments gives you absolutely no time for yourself. Everyone told you that college is a time to get out of your comfort zone, but that bed is looking awfully comfortable right now. The only thing stopping you from diving right in is a meeting in a galaxy far, far away. How in the world will you get out of that?

Worry not! Use our illustrated 5 point guide to pull off every kind of excuse to get yourself out of any kind of meeting.

I bless the rains down in Africa

You walk out of your room, all set and ready to go for your meeting. The sun is shining as bright as your future, the sky is as blue as CCD’s cheapest drink. Your cycle is broken and the meeting is on the other side of campus, at least a couple of light years away. You see a cotton-like wisp of a cloud in the edge of the horizon, contrasted against the blue sky.

You call your head, explaining how the peanut sized cotton wisp of a cloud has the propensity to become a full on thunderstorm, and you just don’t want to take any risks.

Fall Out Boy

There is always a period of hard work that needs to be put in for a club or team, when everyone gets down to scrub the floors to make a fest, an event or a project – a success. But what if manual labour wasn’t your thing? You need an airtight excuse to get this meeting out of the way.

Imagine – you walk down the road to your meeting, but then a bike crashes into you and down you go. You see blood everywhere, and the security guard nearby calls the ambulance. You are now stuck in your room for the next few days, safe and sound. You’ve excused yourself from all meetings this week – after all, which heartless human being would make someone ill move? Enjoy your week, just hope no one comes to physically check on you.

The Trifecta

If you have been blessed to be a part of three or more teams or clubs, then you might have figured out the easiest fix. Just cite the other team’s work as a reason for not doing this one’s. Repeat the same a few more times and you would have formed the following graph:

It is simple yet effective, and you would have not lifted a finger. Revel in your ignorance and pat yourself on the back while your three heads sit and unravel your web of quick lies, as they drink their tea in the mess nearby…

Mahatma Gandhi

If you believe in leading an honest life, if you’re a defender of integrity, possessor of an impeccable moral compass, Pinocchio’s worst enemy and the living reincarnation of Raja Harishchandra himself – here’s a method tailor made for you!

When your head calls asking you to do some work, simply tell them that you’re stuck in Trichy with some other work. TECHNICALLY, the campus is in Trichy; but that’s not going to strike them, is it? Soak in your intelligence, you can now enjoy a couple of more hours in your bed that’s starting to look more inviting by the minute.

Body of Lies

Here is a meeting that you REALLY don’t want to attend, for a team you didn’t really want to be a part of, at a location you don’t really want to go and at a time that doesn’t suit you even a little. You have no idea why you’re still a part of this team and you’re waiting for that fateful call from the head kicking you out for good.

What’s the point of attending meetings till then? Here is where you use an excuse that has a proportionate mixture of stupidity and ridiculousness. Feel free to choose any one of the following:

“Anna, today I have night blindness.”

“I have to study for my blood test.”

“The moons of Saturn aren’t aligned properly for me to attend this meeting.”

Alternatively, you could just go to your meeting.  But if that was your plan all along you wouldn’t have made it this far, would you?

-Gautham Mahadevan and Harshini Ramanujam