You there. Yes, you – curled up on the couch in your onesie with a forlorn expression on your face and no sense of purpose whatsoever. Christmas is just three weeks away and we know you’ve had your Wish List written and re-written at least thirty-six times over the last two months, you little rascal. But the question is – does Santa really care? Have you been nice this year? Time to find out.
- Remember that poor chap who came running to your room the night before the Mechanics End Sem and asked you if Fluid Mechanics was a part of the syllabus? “No man, take a chill pill. Got no time for that anyway,” was your reassuring reply…. Before you waited for him to leave the room so you could direct your attention to exactly that page in Timoshenko’s Engineering Mechanics.
- Keeping forty-seven tabs open on Chrome, so you can randomly allot your attention to any one of them each time your roommate walks into the room – a different one each time. Naughty, naughty.
- Sunday lunch at the mess – that one day they make Biriyani with the Paneer in it. Remember noticing that there were 15 people behind you in the queue and still picking out all the ten-odd Paneer pieces from the Biriyani and onto your plate, before making a dash for it? Remember smirking cruelly to yourself as you overheard someone complain, “They didn’t put any Paneer in the Biriyani today”?
- Unleashing your inner Madonna in the third bathing cubicle on the left, knowing that it’s the only one that is free from dirty underwear. Fun fact – fifty students could’ve gone to class clean in the time you took to sing “Like a Virgin” and then give your Grammy acceptance speech.
- Convincing your mom that you’re going for a night-out with your pals to watch Disney’s Moana, and then sneakily getting tickets for Bad Santa 2, you sneaky little devil.
- Going under the identity of poor, unknowing Kamala Kandasamy so you can eat snacks at both messes on Vada Pav day.
- Remember getting a 19 on 20 in your last cycle test and hiding your paper from the world, so that when the coast was clear, you could run behind the professor and change that to a 19.5, you merciless soul?
- Gently pulling your cycle out of the cycle shed with the precision of a surgeon, only to make one tiny miscalculation and watch all your efforts domino away. Followed, of course, by tip-toeing away with a whodunit look on your face.
And you thought you got away with all of it, did you? Looks like someone’s got themselves on the Naughty List. Boohoo. No presents for you.
– Anupama Menon
The North Pole