Friendly advice from Kanakasabapathy

I’m a generic male trying to take a bath. What do I do if I can’t find water?

The ancient tribals had a wonderful solution to this problem, which should work here too. Gather a bunch of friends and perform a ritualistic rain dance on the terrace, in full view of the gods. Watch in amazement as the sky fills with tumultuous rain clouds and the precious liquid descends from the heavens.

Caution: Water may evaporate before reaching the ground.

I have been in a relationship with this guy for the past three days. Yesterday he cracked a really really funny joke but today he didn’t. Does he still love me?

The real question here is, do you love him? Studies prove that a woman should be able to laugh at their man’s joke any day of the week. Unless it’s a Monday, a full moon day, or she’s wearing pink.

If none of these apply to you, you should’ve been laughing your rear end off. But you weren’t, were you? In all fairness, he should dump YOU.

You don’t love him. The converse doesn’t matter anymore. Your relationship is dead. Move on.

Single guys, here’s your chance. (Not you, you unfunny loser. You know who you are.)

My GPA has been in the 7’s after 5 semesters, and I’ve never gotten more than a B in any subject. Does my blood group (B-) have anything to do with this?

Look on the bright side. B+.

I’m a generic homely girl from a traditional family, but when I mingle with my peers, I become a vivacious vixen. How do I control my foxiness?

Tough question. It has foxed me, but I shall try.

While speaking, include the phrase,

“Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!”

People will leave you alone. Trust me.

I have a habit of running late for class. Should I try out for the athletics team?

Of course you should! But don’t compromise on studies. Be an athlete and a mathlete.

– Kaushik Sambamurthy and Nived Bharadwaj